Trim, Traps, and Pee

Adding Character to the Fireplace

If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you’ll know that I didn’t post yesterday because of a Mario Kart & Cheez Its hangover.  Turns out, you all love when that happens.  Just imagine stuffing your face with as many Cheez Its as you can, racing your best friends, sitting on the world’s most comfortable couch (Did I ever tell you the cushions were filled with DOWN?  Yes, down-filled cushions.) with the most pixelated game you’ve seen on a projector.  If you counted 4 boxes of Cheez Its in this picture, you’re right.  Bliss.  I’ll make sure to invite you all next time!

You guys are my friends.  Did you know that?  That being said, I tell you my deepest most embarrassing moments.  Remember when I built a Peyote tent?  See.  I trust you guys.

Maybe it’s the fireplace that brings out the dumb in me.  I don’t know.  But I had another incident.

If you remember, this is where we left off with the fireplace makeover:

The tile was so ugly, it needed to be covered.  We liquid-nailed some bead board over the tile.  IF YOU PLAN ON DOING THIS IN YOUR HOME, BE AWARE THAT IT IS NOT TO CODE!  (a fireplace surround must be non flammable stone/tile/brick)  However, our chimney isn’t to code, and isn’t working properly.  We are not burning fires in our fire places.  The only thing we plan to burn in the fireplace is love.  And candles.  We treat it as a “faux fireplace.”  

It needed some trim around the edges of that bead board.  So I whipped out my Mighty Miter Saw.  *insert action music*  I was born with an innate knowledge of the miter saw.  I don’t know why, but it’s like we “get” each other.  It speaks its toolsy language to me.  No one taught me how to use one.  I just figured it out.  I didn’t want to be walking in and out of the house a million times, so I decided to turn the kitchen into my work space.  You do that too, right?

Unless we are actually watching the dogs, we like to keep them out of the front room and basement using what we call “The Indy Trap.”  We call it that because Buster is smart enough to jump over it, and Indy isn’t.  But Buster knows he isn’t allowed.

So there I was, making my cuts of trim, and stepping over the Indy Trap.  Back and forth from the dining room to the front room.  Back and forth, back and forth.  I was right about to liquid nail a piece of trim on, when the thought struck me like a flash flood: “Oh my gosh.  If I don’t pee now, I am going to die.”  You’d think I’d had 7 kids by the way I always have to pee.  But no, I have no excuse.  So I was crossing my legs tight, trying to hold it in.  And I went to step back over the Indy Trap, and the rest is a blur.  I ate it HARD!  My camera was on the tripod on the otherside, so I knocked that over pretty good (Luckily it wasn’t broken, and luckily there is a brand new one under the tree!), and when I hit the floor, I peed.  Everywhere.  WHY????  This is not the first time I have fell so hard it knocked the pee right out of me.  (Ask my mom about the time I fell down an entire flight of stairs at 2 AM and peed at the bottom.  I was 18.)

And I got my shin nice and chewed up as well.  Low res enough that you can’t tell how prickly my legs really are.

I have no dignity left.  I’m just  DIYer who pees her pants.  Regularly.

So I changed my pants, started the laundry, and got right back on the horse fireplace with new determination.

This stuff sticks like death to a peasant in the 1400′s.  

Look at that joint!  It’s enough to make any senior citizen green with envy!  (You know.. “joints”)

I went and asked a grown up for help with the nail gun.

The inside trim was a little trickier than the outside trim.  I needed something with the right amount of lip.  A little more Kirsten Dunst and a little less Julie Roberts.

The process of installing it was the same at the outside.  Make the cuts at 45 degree angles.  Liquid nails.  Finish nail it in place.

It’s the finishes that give it the character.  No raw edges.  No gaps.  It’s much more polished.  (Do you remember those rock tumblers that made polished rocks?)

Before the trim:

After the trim:

So next time you want to add character to your fireplace, make sure you go to the bathroom first.

This post it featured at:
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